MarriageMotivationSpiritual Development

Escorting Ann to the Front of My Life

Ann Short

 

Early in our marriage, Ann did not understand the concept that she was to come first in my life. She knew the bible said that husbands were to leave their parents and cleave to their wives but she had never seen it. I laugh about it now, but at that time she thought she was going to land somewhere in the top ten on my list and that’s the best she could hope for. Escorting Ann to the front of my life was not only an honor but a privilege.

I use the word “back” because she would often move out of this position. She assumed that my mother and sisters came before her. Also, we have a blended family so she assumed my son would always come before her. I remember asking her “where in the world are you getting this stuff from?” In terms of the children, my one did not come before her two. The order of things in our house was that she came before OUR three. It’s really a shame that many couples do not understand the kids are “ours” and not “yours” or “mine.”

WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with someone about Ann’s wishes and the person gave one of the most eye-opening remarks. He said, “If my wife’s wishes were “X” and but her mother’s wishes were “Y” I would go with her mother’s wishes because that’s her child. I told him that I didn’t understand that because that’s his wife. I was seriously like “what did he just say?” What I gained from the conversation is that his mother comes before his wife. He continued on with the conversation explaining how the mother comes first. Reflecting on his words I can’t help but feel sorry for the women who are married to men who feel this way.

Most women have absolutely no idea how it feels to come first in their husband's life. Click To Tweet

They usually land somewhere on the list after his mother, his sports, his hobbies, and his homeboys. Adding more insult to injury, most of the men that I know who believe this type of foolishness are men who call themselves men of God. Again, there are a lot of women sitting right in the church pews every Sunday who have no idea how it feels to be first in their husband’s life.

ANN, MOM, and ME

I thank God for the relationship my mom and Ann had. Ann loved her natural mother indeed but she had a mother-daughter relationship with my mom that few women will ever share with their mother-in-law. There was absolutely no doubt in my mom’s mind about who came first because she was the one who taught me. Let’s think about this for a second. It would be very foolish for my mom to teach me that she comes before my wife and then expect her husband to place her first in his life. She told me that Ann came first, before everyone and everything. Not only did she tell me this but she also told Ann. As a matter of fact, Ann would often tell me that she and my mom were going to jump me. I still laugh about that to this day.

This took some time for Ann to adjust to this but once she did she played her position very well. When a person is acustomed to coming last they begin to think that’s where they belong or they will always be. There was nothing about my wife that resembled last place material. So, just like the ushers escorted “important” people to the front of the church, I was escorting Ann to the front of my life. The Bible says that the last shall be first. Ann came first in my life, even before myself.

Heaven gained a beautiful angel!

 

24 thoughts on “Escorting Ann to the Front of My Life

    1. Derron , great inspiring words and a message needed by many! “Leave and cleave” confusion destroys many matiages! I knew that my “Everybody loves Raymond” mother would be a force that could destroy my marriage! I therefore told my mother that I meant no disrespect when I said: “this is our home , not yours! I will support wife here over your ways and views”! Saved our
      Marriage in addition to moving across the country from Ohio to Los Angeles! Persevere my friend! C. Dallas

  1. Thank you for this. I agree that most women do not know they are to come first. The sadder thing is that the men do not know what they are doing. I truly believe this has been the case in my marriage. It is not so much that I don’t come first but that my husband’s family and friends have been unkind and disrespectful on many occasions. He turns a blind eye. It has hurt us as a couple and me as a person. We work on it but he just does not understand why he needs to put his foot down on this behavior. I choose to stay away from them when I can. Still I rely on God and have asked Him to help me be a good mother-in-law to my son’s wife by never insisting on playing first chair in the orchestra of his life. Thanks again. To hear this is common is a help.

  2. I enjoyed your article. I have taught my son the same concept and principle of the wife coming, first, in his life. My son and I are very close, but when my time comes, I will assume the correct position.

  3. Derron , I am inspired by your story, your wife was blessed indeed to have you and also you were blessed to have her . The Holy Spirit comfort your heart as you mourn your loss . Keep the happy memories alive . God Bless You and Your Loved Ones .

  4. Beautifullll as always!!! Just as I said last night in my post. I’m happy that love like this exist! You were designed just for Mrs. Ann Short! My hat does goes off to your mother because she raised you; the way that we are SUPPOSED to raise our boys! My thoughts & prayers are with you constantly!!!

  5. This is so beautiful and Ann was so blessed to have you as her husband. I wish all men will read this and put it in practice, most homes will be better. Thank you for loving your wife selflessly. She will be so happy wherever she is. God is your strength and healer🙏

  6. You’re absolutely right, Brother Derron. Gen.2:24 “Therefore shall a man LEAVE his father and his mother,and shall CLEAVE unto his wife: and they shall be ONE flesh. God bless you and see you through this time, in Jesus’s name.

  7. Thank you for this. You bring hope to those still waiting on God’s hand to move on their behalf. Life is filled with difficulty. To be married to more difficulty is a life in constant defensive stance and no marriage can thrive with that level of stress and distrust. Confidence has to be the foundation of a healthy marriage but each person in that relationship has to subscribe to the practices that will assure that confidence. No matter what other tests each must overcome, if the marriage is the holy grail of value for the couple, the external fight must be taken up to bring a degree of love and value to the marriage long-term that completely drowns out the voices of division and strife.

  8. You always speak so profoundly. I love the words of wisdom that pours from your mouth. This is truly a gift from God that you have. Thank you for sharing and inspiring so many of us.

  9. Derron,

    This was an awesome read but more importantly describes the genuine love and growth that you all experienced as a married couple. Telling your wife that she comes first and not living it would never have worked and it is very obvious that she saw the action and not just the words expresses through your affection and authentic love. God bless you and keep you my brother. Praying for you continually.

    In His Service,

    Daryn Ramsey

  10. Well said my brother, its really an eye opener and edifying. Most women don’t even know their position in Marriage and some Men don’t know how to appreciate their wives.

  11. Wow, this is the first time I’ve ever really heard this. It’s such an important concept that both husbands and wives should learn. I didn’t know this when I was married before. And it wasn’t something I was taught growing up. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and wisdom.

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