Early in our marriage, Ann did not understand the concept that she was to come first in my life. She knew the bible said that husbands were to leave their parents and cleave to their wives but she had never seen it. I laugh about it now, but at that time she thought she was going to land somewhere in the top ten on my list and that’s the best she could hope for. Escorting Ann to the front of my life was not only an honor but a privilege.
I use the word “back” because she would often move out of this position. She assumed that my mother and sisters came before her. Also, we have a blended family so she assumed my son would always come before her. I remember asking her “where in the world are you getting this stuff from?” In terms of the children, my one did not come before her two. The order of things in our house was that she came before OUR three. It’s really a shame that many couples do not understand the kids are “ours” and not “yours” or “mine.”
WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?
A few weeks ago I had a conversation with someone about Ann’s wishes and the person gave one of the most eye-opening remarks. He said, “If my wife’s wishes were “X” and but her mother’s wishes were “Y” I would go with her mother’s wishes because that’s her child. I told him that I didn’t understand that because that’s his wife. I was seriously like “what did he just say?” What I gained from the conversation is that his mother comes before his wife. He continued on with the conversation explaining how the mother comes first. Reflecting on his words I can’t help but feel sorry for the women who are married to men who feel this way.Most women have absolutely no idea how it feels to come first in their husband's life. Click To Tweet
They usually land somewhere on the list after his mother, his sports, his hobbies, and his homeboys. Adding more insult to injury, most of the men that I know who believe this type of foolishness are men who call themselves men of God. Again, there are a lot of women sitting right in the church pews every Sunday who have no idea how it feels to be first in their husband’s life.
ANN, MOM, and ME
I thank God for the relationship my mom and Ann had. Ann loved her natural mother indeed but she had a mother-daughter relationship with my mom that few women will ever share with their mother-in-law. There was absolutely no doubt in my mom’s mind about who came first because she was the one who taught me. Let’s think about this for a second. It would be very foolish for my mom to teach me that she comes before my wife and then expect her husband to place her first in his life. She told me that Ann came first, before everyone and everything. Not only did she tell me this but she also told Ann. As a matter of fact, Ann would often tell me that she and my mom were going to jump me. I still laugh about that to this day.
This took some time for Ann to adjust to this but once she did she played her position very well. When a person is acustomed to coming last they begin to think that’s where they belong or they will always be. There was nothing about my wife that resembled last place material. So, just like the ushers escorted “important” people to the front of the church, I was escorting Ann to the front of my life. The Bible says that the last shall be first. Ann came first in my life, even before myself.
Heaven gained a beautiful angel!