This morning was kind of hard for me because today would have been one of our days. The weather is absolutely perfect so you know we would have been on the road to DC or Virginia. I know you remember how we would jump in the car and not tell anyone. While in the car, I kept looking over at your seat imagining what you would be doing. You know I know you like a book. You would be on that phone trying to tell me about some game you know I do not care about. I just liked how excited you got about them.
As I was riding I listened to that song you wanted me to hear. I know people were wondering what was wrong with me because I could not stop crying. Out of all the scenarios we imagined, this was definitely not one of them. No one could have ever convinced me that there would be a day I would be here and you would not.
PROTECTED AT ALL TIMES
I just want to tell you how I’m doing. Although things are rough, they are nowhere near where they were the first forty-eight hours. The drive home on that Friday was awful. I saw a man and woman walking and she was near the traffic while he was closer to safety. When I saw this I had to pull over and get myself together. The tears began to flow again because I was thinking about the time you asked me why I kept moving to the side near traffic whenever we were walking. It got on your nerves at first until I explained it to you. I wanted you to feel protected at all times. I only got one or two hours sleep that night.
Saturday morning when I woke up I realized I must have been crying in my sleep because tears were coming down when I opened my eyes. Those first few days were brutal. I didn’t want to speak to anybody, do anything, or go anywhere. It came in spurts because there were also times I wanted to get in the car and keep riding. I was in absolute shock.My greatest accomplishment as a man is the fact that my wife knew I would give her my last breath if I could. Click To Tweet
TWO BOXES OF FROSTED FLAKES
It’s been four weeks since you’ve been gone and it’s hard. As a matter of fact, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. As I was riding, my mind went back to all the times you said, “Derron, you are a strong man. Nothing shakes you.” I feel like now an appropriate time to tell you my secret. Nothing fazed me because I had you by my side. I felt like there was nothing I could not do, face, or overcome.
Your death has certainly been my kryptonite. This is the first time in my life that I can honestly say that I feel weak. I know God is with me and I’m surrounded by friends and family but still, you are not here. My heart was beyond broken four weeks ago. It was shattered into pieces. However, God is putting it back together as time goes by. I’m still writing. It helps me to deal with everything that happened. I know I will make it through this because that is what you would want. I almost forgot to tell you that I learned a new word the other day. You know I was all the way hype about that!
I got the message you sent about me eating. I just want you to know that I am. The first few days I had to remember to eat but since then my appetite has been okay. Oh, you already know I’m not a cereal person like you but Mom sent me two boxes of your favorite cereal. Yes, I got two big boxes of Frosted Flakes. I have to say goodbye now because I need to go get some milk. I love you little lady!