Even though I have entitled this, “3 Things Your Woman Should Never Have To Ask For”, I do realize that there are more than three things that should be on this list. However, these are the three things that have been at the center of many requests this week.
Before we dive into what attention is I want to explain to you what attention is not. There are many women who are ruining a good relationship because they do not understand this truth. Attention is NOT the act of focusing on the woman in such a way that the man can’t do anything that does not revolve around or include his woman. This is a very unhealthy definition of attention and will most likely be enough to push any man away. Now that we got that out of the way, let’s talk about what attention is.
I am going to put this in a way that any man can understand. When your woman speaks about needing more attention, she is saying that she does not feel that she is a priority in your life. This is an extremely hurtful feeling because she does not feel as though she occupies the place in your heart that you occupy in hers. A person will always make time for the people, places, and things that are important to them.
Making her priority in your life does not mean you can’t do other things. It just means that she is most important and comes before all. I have yet to see or know of a case where a woman has a problem with her man doing things apart from her when SHE knows that she has his complete attention. This is not to say that she has his attention every minute of the day, but she knows without a shadow of a doubt that she has his complete attention in life. This is shown through his actions.
Attention is one of many elements that are similar to air in the relationship. This is especially true for women. As men, we have to recognize the difference between the behaviors of the two sexes. I have met many men who were happy and could survive on minimal attention. However, I have met very few women like this. Attention looks different in every relationship and with every woman. The goal is to spend enough time with your woman to know what a healthy relationship looks like to her in relation to time spent together. And just in case I didn’t tell you already, she views attention as doing things together, compliments, sexual and nonsexual touches, listening, making changes, talking to her, etc.It’s hard for her to feel safe with you when she does not feel that you are committed to making her feel valued, loved, and heard. Click To Tweet
Our women should also never have to ask how committed we are. This should be a given, but most struggle in this area. Even in cases where there is no cheating I have found that commitment is still an issue. How is that you ask?
As men, we often view commitment as only the ability to remain faithful to our spouse. I have spoken to many men and this is the exact definition I have been given by most. In the mind of your woman, the word commitment goes much deeper than remaining faithful. This is where the communication gap often occurs. When a woman speaks of commitment, she is referring to being committed to the whole marriage or relationship. In her mind, it goes deeper and is more than just sexual. Although she expects faithfulness she is also speaking of a combination of other things. Being faithful is just one piece of the commitment pie.
Imagine your woman placed a bucket on the ground, wrote the word commitment on it, and began to fill it with rocks labeled with words she thinks are associated with commitment. Faithfulness would definitely be in there because you are expected to keep all of your pieces inside your pants. But, you would also find words like security in that bucket. She needs to know that you are committed to making her feel secure. Let me ask you this sir. Do you communicate with her or do you walk away and refuse to deal with problems? This action is slowly but surely stripping away at her sense of security.
Another rock that you are sure to find in her bucket of commitment will be labeled Kindness. Any man who is committed to being kind to his woman is a rare find. This is because society tells us that it’s perfectly acceptable to be disrespectful and rude. This may be acceptable in society but no woman wants to be treated like this by the man she loves.Being kind to your woman does not subtract from your manhood…. Your kindness serves as the cocoon that surrounds the beauty of the butterfly. Click To Tweet
The joy in many marriages is being sucked out right now because of the lack of compassion. Personally speaking, I don’t understand how we can watch the woman we say we love suffer in any way and not feel anything. How can we know she is hurting or crying and go on about our day as if nothing is going on? I hate to tell you this fellas, but she takes notice. Let me paint you a picture of what lack of compassion looks like. Think back to the last time there was a disagreement between you and your lady which resulted in her feelings being hurt. Did you try to console her or were you so focused on being right that you completely disregarded how she was feeling and/or the fact that she was crying? This is a mistake that we often make as men. Notice I said WE and not you. I’m about to say something that probably every woman reading this will agree with. We (men) can be idiots at times. Sometimes we get so caught up in the ME that we forget about the US. Don’t clap too loud ladies because you have some hang-ups too. Oops, did I just say that out loud?Hey men, please take a few seconds out of your day to read this. Click To Tweet
A MENTAL NOTE
Anyway, we have to be attentive to our lady’s feelings. Though we cannot solve every problem, we can do our best to be compassionate. We should show that we recognize she is suffering and have a sincere desire to take the suffering away if possible. We also have to be cognizant of the fact that not everything has to do with us. Many men are not compassionate because they view it as a sign of weakness. This leaves our women very confused. They are thinking, “He shows no compassion for me but let his team lose a game and he’s moping around here like somebody died.” I know that’s a silly example but you get the point. Some of us have more compassion for the women in our church, on our job, or in our community than we have for the woman living in the home with us. I think it’s time for me to change the channel because the men are probably thinking, “If I could throw hot grease on you right now.” Lol, I’m truthfully just trying to help. Men, I need you to make a mental note of this. Your woman should never have to ask for your attention, commitment, and compassion. Let’s make loving our women cool again!