Two weeks ago I lost the most important person in the world to me. I was completely devastated because it was so out of the blue. This was not supposed to happen. She was supposed to be sitting beside me this very minute as I write on another topic. At this moment there is no other topic because I am always thinking of Ann.
Ann was and still is the love of my life. We were married for seventeen years and I would not trade those years with her for anything in the world. There is no dollar amount or physical possession that can equal what she meant to me. She was an elegant lady indeed.
BUILD HER UP
During the early years of our marriage, Ann had absolutely no idea who she was. She had been severely mistreated by people who were supposed to love her. For this reason, she had a hard time trusting and she especially did not trust men. I was included in that bunch. Her self-esteem was so low it was basically dragging on the floor. She was puzzled and scared by the fact that I seemed to be interested in her. I think this is a fear many women carry.
The state of mind she was in was very obvious but I could see past all that. I saw the virtuous woman she would become and it was my job to help build her up to that point. Over the course of our marriage, she would tell me that she was waiting for the moment when I got up and left her. She was looking for me to abandon her like everyone else did (her words). Another misconception she had was that all wives were abused and that’s just the way marriage went. She would say things to me like “all men cheat” or “you can’t trust no man.” I knew she was speaking from a place of pain so I did not take that personally.
That may have been what she believed at the beginning of our marriage but it certainly was not what she believed before she breathed her last breath. I made it my duty to show her differently. I showed her that she didn’t have to be afraid to disagree with me.There are men who make their wives feel like they don't have a voice in their own marriage and this is not the way things should be. Click To Tweet
TREAT ME WELL
I often had to remind her that the worst thing she would get from me is an “I don’t see it that way.” She didn’t have to worry about being hit, called names, or being embarrassed. She was an equal partner in our marriage and not a silent partner. The more she began to grasp this concept the more peaceful our home became.
Being treated well was something she was very passionate about. She said, “There’s no need in buying me gifts for my birthday, Valentine’s Day, or Christmas if you’re going to treat me like crap on the days in between.” She was not only referring to me, but to all men in general. This may be a hard pill to swallow but she was absolutely right. She knew men who would buy their wives gifts on these occasions and then go back to treating them bad the day after and she made sure to let me know that this was not the way she would like to be treated.
AN ELEGANT LADY
As our marriage grew, we also grew closer and closer together. We would finish each other’s sentences or both say the same thing at the same time. I don’t want to give you the impression there were never any hard times because there were. There were times we didn’t have financially and we had the same problems as other marriages, minus the scandals. Life did not stop happening just because we had each other. But the point is that we had each other. There was nothing anyone could do to pull us apart or turn us against each other. And believe me, people have tried. One preacher stood in the church and said our marriage would not last two months, but that was seventeen years ago.
A few weeks ago one person accused me of “brainwashing” her and “putting stuff in her head.” I told them they were exactly right. I was telling her she was beautiful, intelligent, favored, and capable of doing anything she put her mind to. She was called names like virtuous, conqueror, and best friend.
I got the chance to watch her transform into one of the most elegant ladies on the face of this earth. We would often run into people who knew her before she met me and they would compliment her on her appearance as well as her behavior. Many would be absolutely shocked at the lady they saw before their eyes. I would stand back and be so proud that she was my wife. She was no longer a bitter and angry woman but an elegant lady.
If I had my way she would be here today instead of me. I loved her so much that I would have easily given her my last breath. I’m taking it one day at a time as I’m trying to adapt to her not being here but it is extremely hard. We spent more time together than any husband and wife I know. My soul (mind, will, and emotions) was absolutely in love with this woman and I will always miss and love her.
The first book I write in 2019 will be in honor of our love. I love you Ann.